1.05: Invincible

Allison: Carter, whatcha doing?
Jack: I'm the Sherriff. I'm Sherriffing.
Allison: You were supposed to meet me at Global half an hour ago for your physical.
Jack: Yeah, good news: I gave myself the physical and I'm in perfect health.

Jack: Insure a cop today, tomorrow he dies.
Allison: What are you, superstitious?
Jack: It's not superstition if it's true.

Carl: Do you have any idea how many strains of bacteria are transmitted by hand-to-hand contact?
Jack: No. But I'm guessing you do.

Jack: You called 911 to bum a ride?

Allison: If you had come to my office for your physical you might not have been hurt physically.
Jack: Well, Dr. Blake, if you hadn't have tried to give me a physical I wouldn't have had to go through such extreme measures to avoid it.

Carl: Every molecule of my life has been erased.
Technician: That's our goal. Have a nice day.

Jack: We're going to have a houseguest tonight, so remember to pick up.
Zoe: Good going, Dad. Is it Allison or Jo?
Jack: What?
Zoe: Well, see I have a bet going with Vincent. See, if I win then he's going to make me breakfest in bed for a month and if he wins I'm going to wait tables.
Jack: Neither. Stop wagering on my lovelife... or lack thereof.

Carl: No, no, don't! When I get nervous I get very confused. If I get confused I might -
Jack: Fall?
Carl: Yes. I'm glad you understand.

Carl: You think we could be friends, huh?
Jack: I think that's what the beer is for.

Jack: A hypothetical guy falls maybe fifty feet, lands flat on the ground, and then another guy, weighing 180, falls and lands on top of him. Okay, what is the chance of the hypothetical guy getting up and walking away?
Henry: Well, whether I use Single Case Probability or an application of Bayesian Statistics the outcome is the same: slim to none.

Carl: Vincent, a beer.
Vincent: Okay, but you don't drink alcohol and I don't serve you anymore since you brought in the health inspector.

Carl: (kisses Beverly)
Taggart: I've always wanted to do that.
Spencer: Who hasn't?
Vincent: Even I've thought about it.

Henry: Spontaneous cellular regeneration. The implications are staggering. Surgeries, amputations, organ transplants all could become a thing of the past.
Nathan: It could change the entire face of medicine.
Allison: Think how much relief this will give everyone.
Jack: Well, except for surgeons. Oh, and hospitals. And the guys who make band-aids.

Carl: I've never been to a ballgame. All that spilled food on the ground fermenting in beer and filth. Always used to make my skin crawl when I used to think about it.
Jack: Well, when you put it like that...

Allison: Well now you can go and get your ribs checked out. You do at least have them wrapped.
Jack: Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Allison: Do you have an ace bandage.
Jack: Ehhh, no. Fresh out.
S.A.R.A.H.: Yes you do, Sherriff. In your gym bag, upstairs. Bedroom closet.
Allison: Okay, that is really disconcerting.
Jack: Yeah, you get used to it. (to the house) Traitor.

Nathan: Weren't you wearing that yesterday?
Allison: Uh, no. Just similar.
Jack: Oh, don't look at me. I wear the same thing every day.

Nathan: Carl, please. I have to know. What is it?
Carl: One day you will know. The question is, will you be ready?