1x01 & 1x02 - Rising, Parts I & II

John: On the surface without a shield? We're target practice.
Rodney: I'm acutely aware of that, Major, but thank you for reinforcing it.

Rodney: Even with the six symbols Lieutenant Ford provided there are still hundreds of permutations.
John: 720.
Rodney: Yes. I knew that, of course, I'm just surprised you did.

John: Flight, this is puddlejumper. We're go to launch.
Rodney: Alright, this is flight. I thought we were going with gateship?
John: Negative, flight.
Rodney: Stand by. It's a ship that goes through the gate... Fine.

1x03 - Hide and Seek

John: McKay's okay. He, uh, he fainted.
Rodney: Oh, yes, very sympathetic. Let's all mock the dying man.

1x04 – Thirty-Eight Minutes

John: Knock it off.
Rodney: Oh, I apologise for being the only person who truly comprehends how screwed we are!

1x05 – Suspicion

John: You seem nervous.
Rodney: No, I'm part of this team. I'm doing this.
John: Yes you are. I just said you seem nervous.
Rodney: Oh, really? I thought you said 'Rodney, you don't have to do this.'

1x06 – Childhood’s End

John: Do you think it's worth checking out?
Rodney: Any significant energy emission generally indicates technological civilisation.
John: So, you think it's worth checking out?
Rodney: I'm sorry, yes. Energy field good.

1x07 - Poisoning the Well

Rodney: Do you have any idea how complicated geothermal -
John: McKay.
Rodney: ... I'm sure it'll work like a charm.

Rodney: He blinked? What does that mean?
John: It means he's still holding on but he's indicated to me that he may break soon.
Rodney: And he indicated this to you by blinking?

1x08 – Underground

Rodney: I know, it's getting desperate. We're almost out of coffee.
John: Well, maybe you should stop drinking eleven cups a day.
Rodney: I'm just making sure I get my fair share before it's all gone.

Rodney: Maybe we should offer a sense of humour in trade.
John: Sure. They can have yours.
Rodney: Oh, please, my side. You slay me.

John: I'm just trying to get my bearings.
Rodney: Translation: I'm lost.

John: I prefer a straight line.
Rodney: Yes, of course, because everything's a shortcut in Sheppard's world.

John: Define strange.
Rodney: You don't know what strange means? Weird, freakish, odd...

John: You know how to make an A-bomb?
Rodney: Major, most of my high school chess team could design an A-bomb.

John: Look, what you people do with your C4 is none of our business. We just need food. As far as your little secret down here goes…well, uh…
Rodney: We say, 'What giant underground bunker?'

1x09 – Home

John: 804 years.
Rodney: What?
John: That's how long it will take us to come get you by puddlejumper.
Rodney: But you would do that, right?

1x10 - The Storm

Rodney: It's, uh, a brisk walk away.
John: And by brisk you mean far.
Rodney: And by walk I mean run.

1x12 - The Defiant One

Rodney: I'm flying in a straight line.
John: Not so much.
Rodney: Well, in space all motion is relative.

John: This is why parents get someone else to teach their kids how to drive.
Rodney: Okay, I'm both insulted and touched by that.

John: It's too small to be a hive ship.
Rodney: Well, it's been here for a very long time, maybe they've discontinued that model.

John: He's aboard my ship.
Rodney: What are you, Captain Kirk?!

1x13 - Hot Zone

John: Should I pay attention to all these warnings?
Rodney: Not today, no.

1x14 – Sanctuary

John: Let's just stay on our best behaviour.
Rodney: I'm always on my best behaviour.

Rodney: A word of caution? The whole Captain Kirk routine is problematic to say the least, let alone morally dubious.
John: What routine?
Rodney: Romancing the alien priestess? It’s very 1967 of you.

1x15 - Before I Sleep

John: What am I, your realtor, Rodney? We're here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis.
Rodney: Yeah, well, I'm looking for a one bedroom with a den, preferrably with a balcony but I'm not married to it.

Weir: She said, "it worked."
Rodney: What does that mean?
John: I assume something worked.
Rodney: Yes, that's very sharp.

John: Not to mention a really nice DeLorean.
Rodney: Don't even get me started on that movie.

Rodney: Well, it's obvious, the Puddlejumper they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine. It had to have an additional component built into it.
John: Flux capicator.
Rodney: ... Yeah.

Rodney: Ha! Ah, the bitter taste of ultimate failure, hmmm?
John: Well, if you'd just figured out how to fix the damn shield in the first place, none of us would have died.
Rodney: I did everything I could, including valiantly attempting to save your sorry-

1x16 - The Brotherhood

Rodney: I'm heading to bed.
John: Which bed might that be.
Rodney: ... What?
Ford: I think Allina might have a little crush on you, Doc.
Rodney: What? She does?
Teyla: It is very clear to us all.
Rodney: It is?
John: Well, everyone but you apparently.
Rodney: Well, should I have, um, let me see, um. Are you sure about this?
John: Yeah, pretty sure.
Rodney: What should I do?
John: You don't know what to do?
Rodney: I know what to do eventually. I mean what should I do now? Should I say something, something tonight?
John: I'll tell you what, Valentino, wait till tomorrow. You'll be more on your game after you get some rest.
Rodney: Right, right. Good answer.

John: I'm not gonna shut up, Rodney, my life's at stake.
Rodney: Exactly. So simmer down and let me save it.

John: You ever heard the phrase, two heads are better than one?
Rodney: It's a common misconception.

Rodney: How did you know that?
John: It was on a Mensa test.
Rodney: You're a member of Mensa?
John: No, but I took the test.
Rodney: When?

Rodney: My eyes. I need my eyes for seeing!
John: Get the ZPM, Rodney.
Rodney: It's a small miracle I can still make out shapes, that's all I'm saying.

1x18 - The Gift

John: All I'm saying is let's not give up... Just yet.
Rodney: Now what was that we were supposed to all remember. Let me see, something important... Ah... Oh yes, that's right, the Alamo.