2x03 Runner

John: Making it the perfect place to hide.
Rodney: Yes. Or the perfect place to be exposed to dangerously high levels of solar radiation!

John: How come it smells like I'm on vacation?
Rodney: Could it be the simulated tropical aroma of coca butter?
John: It's strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you.
Rodney: Oh yeah, like they haven't been tipped off by the Aqua Velva.

John: It's raining.
Rodney: So we'll be cold and miserable. Look, the cloud cover will depreciate a small percentage of UV rays but 95% of deadly is still deadly.

2x04 Duet

John: So. We're cool?
Rodney: No. You're cool, I'm fine.

John: Hold on, Rodney, I thought all the mice died.
Rodney: Well, what are we? Mice or men?

2x05 Condemned

John: Stay close. And stay quiet.
Rodney: What? Why does he say that to me?

John: How's it coming, Rodney?
Rodney: Slower than I expected but faster than humanly possible.

2x06 Trinity

John: A member of your team is in the morgue.
Rodney: And I am responsible for his death. Yes, I am painfully aware of that. I sent him in there and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Rodney: Look, this is big. This is the wheel, the lightbulb, the hotdog big.
John: Best case scenario?
Rodney: I win a nobel prize.
John: Worst case scenario?
Rodney: We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe.

Rodney: (to John) I have never asked this of you before but I think I've earned it. Trust me.

Rodney: (to John) I won't let you down.

Rodney: I wanted to apologise about what happened. I was wrong. I'm sorry. And I wanted to assure you that I intend on being right again. About everything. Effecive immediately. That was a joke.
John: Good one.
Rodney: I've already apologised to Elizabeth. And Radek, and I thanked Colonel Caldwell for caring enough to spy on the experiment from orbit. Sent him a nice little e-mail, actually. But I saved til last because, honestly, I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities. Or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back.

2x09 - Aurora

John: A warship?
Rodney: See, look at his eyes. All lighting up again.

John: Any way to figure our what they're saying?
Rodney: Yes, of course. It says right here: 'why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?'

Rodney: What's the matter, Colonel? Don't trust me?
John: No.
Rodney: Fine.

John: But is it safe?
Rodney: Would I be volunteering to go if it wasn't?

Rodney: See, the thing is, Colonel Sheppard and i have kind of gotten into the habit of saving each other's lives. And it's my turn.

Rodney: That's the wraith? She's hot. I mean, seriously hot.
John: Rodney, you're drooling over a wraith.
Rodney: I know. I disgust myself sometimes.

John: There are wraith ships on the way.
Rodney: I'm sure I mentioned that.
John: No. You didn't.
Rodney: Well, it threw me when she was so hot.

2x10 - The Lost Boys

Rodney: This is ridiculous.
John: Keep complaining about it and we may get there faster.
Rodney: Well, couldn't we have met these people on a tropical beach planet populated by tall, blonde women, hmm?

John: There's a good possibility that everything you're feeling right now might be psychosomatic.
Rodney: Oh, is that right Professor Science? Is that your expert opinion?

2x11 - The Hive

Rodney: Why aren't you dead?
John: It's good to see you too, Rodney.
Rodney: No, no, I mean - you know what I mean. Why aren't you... dead?

2x12 - Epiphany

Rodney: We extend the camera through, record for a few minutes, pull it back and play the recording.
John: Yeah... MALP on a stick.
Rodney: Yes, MALP on a stick. Very clever.

Rodney: Just back out if you encounter anything problematic.
John: Problematic?
Rodney: Yeah. Like poisonous atmosphere, acid atmosphere, no atmosphere. Hey, it's MALP on a stick - only shows you so much.

Rodney: (to John) What is it with you and ascended women?

2x13 Critical Mass

John: She's one of the most trusted officers in my command. Not to mention the fact that she was stuck in your head for some time.
Rodney: Do you always have to keep bringing that up?

John: Like a dam.
Rodney: No, it's not like a dam. It's more like... Actually, yes it's like a dam.

2x15 The Tower

Teyla: Establishing good relations with our neighbours is not just about trade.
Rodney: Right, but do we need to make friends with every primitive agrarian society in the Pegasus galaxy?
John: Alright, that's enough. They can't all be planets with cool technology and open minded women.
Rodney: I don't see why not!

2x16 - The Long Goodbye

John: There are lots of programmes on dozens of channels, every day, all day.
Rodney: Most of which are fictional representations of ridiculously attractive people in absurd situations.

2x19 - Inferno

Rodney: (to John) Every problem has a military solution in your world, doesn't it?

John: The ship in the hangar - maybe McKay can fix it.
Rodney: Oh, maybe I can fix it. Place the pressure squarely on my shoulders for a change!

John: Yeah, well, whether or not we live or die is up to Rodney.
Rodney: This is so unfair.

Rodney: Oh, you're doing that on purpose.
John: What?
Rodney: You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome.

Rodney: After 4.1 seconds of those extreme temperatures and pressures, our shields will be depleted.
John: As much as I'm all for living another 4 seconds -
Beckett: That's not very much time for anything, Rodney.
Rodney: Plenty of time to open a hyperspace window.
John: ...
Rodney: That's my plan. Didn't I tell you about that?

John: And then what?
Rodney: Well, then Norina and I were planning a small dinner for us all. Nothing fancy, just -
Norina: Rodney.
Rodney: Well, what does he mean 'then what?'?! Then we won't die horribly!

2x20 - Allies

John: Well, it's pointless to get in position if we can't fire.
Rodney: You know, let's talk about it for a really long time. That'll help for sure.