3x02 - Misbegotten

John: How many manoeuvres can you pull off with your manual interface?
Rodney: Well, does, um, standing still count as a manoeuvre?

3x03 - Irresistible

John: This is creeping me out.
Rodney: Yeah. Reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman - make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. It was kind of a turn on actually. It’s Julie Newmar in the cat outfit.
John: Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.
Rodney: Not 'til season three.
John: Really?
Rodney: Yeah, you didn't know that?

John: I thought you said you were going to stay away from the nuts.
Rodney: Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself, but Lucius here was concerned for me, so he just came down, Ronon held me against the wall, and Lucius and I had a nice, long talk.

3x04 - Sateda

John: Can you pick up a signal?
Rodney: Oh, of course. If it sounds like it might be impossible you look at me.

3x05 - Progeny

John: Exactly how many is many?
Rodney: What exactly does it matter? Many is plenty!

John: They don't seem very Ancienty to me.
Rodney: 'Ancienty'?
John: Yes. That's the word I was looking for.

Niam: Oberoth can be... intractable.
John: Not exactly the word I was looking for.
Rodney: Un-ancienty?

Rodney: (to John who is about to sacrifice himself with the city) No, no, no, no, no! I can't let you do this. Not without a coin toss or something, it doesn't seem right.

Rodney: We're not exactly ascension experts.
John: But we do know killing people isn't the best way to get there.

John: How's it coming, Rodney?
Rodney: Slowly.
John: What's the hold up?
Rodney: What's the hold up? Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
John: Niam gave you access to the programme code and you're screwing around with it.
Rodney: Oh, that is so... relatively accurate.
John: Thank you.
Rodney: Even so, we are not dealing with Rock'em Sock'em Robots here, we are dealing with a complex code of over three billion chemical-based sequences. It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.
John: So, what? Five minutes?

Rodney: I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
John: Should?
Rodney: Okay, will. I mean, dead in their tracks. Like hitting the pause button. Temporarily. Until they figure out how to override it.
Ronon: How long?
Rodney: Well, I don't know. That's why I said 'momentarily'.
John: Days, hours, minutes?
Rodney: Well, it's minutes, but I don't know. That's what I was just saying to him.
John: Ten, twenty?
Rodney: Look, okay fine, you want a number? Okay, seven. Seven minutes and thirty one seconds. You happy?
John: No.
Rodney: No.
John: That's not enough time.
Rodney: You wanted a number.
John: A bigger number.
Rodney: Yeah, well it may very well be longer.
John: Or shorter.
Rodney: Well, I don't know! Look, you're missing the point!

John: So much for seven and a half minutes.
Rodney: It was an arbitrary number!

Rodney: As soon as I trigger the overload there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
John: Practically?
Rodney: Okay, fine, so like a few seconds for it to build up power.
John: How many seconds?
Rodney: I don't know.
John: Five? Ten?
Rodney: Again with the arbitrary numbers.

Rodney: There is nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes.
John: ... True.

3x07 - Common Ground

John: Rodney, dial the damn gate. Don't wait for us.
Rodney: As if the bullets whizzing past my head weren't encouragement enough.

Rodney: Alright people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get it, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive.
Beckett: What are you on about?
Rodney: Oh, I just - things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would, um.

Wraith: Sheppard gave me back my life, I merely repaid the debt.
Rodney: What debt? Are you kidding? I mean, he looks younger than he did before!

3x08 – McKay and Mrs. Miller

John: (to Jeannie) John Sheppard.
Rodney: Yeah. She's married and she's my sister.
John: I'm just saying hi.
Rodney: Yeah, I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before, Kirk.

Rodney: What does Elizabeth have to say about all of this?
John: Two McKays are better than one.
Rodney: But there aren't two McKays! There's one McKay and him.
John: Whatever you say. Meredith.

Rod: You'd need to take a cattle prod to the Sheppard I know to get him up this early.
John: Late nights partying, huh?
Rod: If you could call it that. He's very active with the MENSA club we have there. They have a lot of, um, functions.
John: Well, you can't blame a man for his intelligence.
Rod: No, but uh, I can blame him for reminding me all the time.
John: He doesn't.
Rod: Mmm, trust me, my Sheppard makes your Rodney seem modest in comparison.
John: Well, between you and me, you're a lot different than our Rodney too.
Rod: How so?
John: It's the little things. You like golf, you say please and thank you, you're um... What's the opposite of condescending?

Rodney: What if the people in his Atlantis were sick of him messing up all the time, huh? So, when it came time to send some stooge on a one way ticket to another universe, there was only one guy they could do without.
John: Say what you want, I know what this is about.
Rodney: Oh really, Mr MENSA in a parallel universe, what is this all about?
John: You think Jeannie likes him more than you.

Rodney: Jeannie and I drifted apart. When that happens - I mean it wasn't done maliciously. Do I have regrets? Yes, of course I do but who doesn't? I mean, you know, I'm not very good at saying 'I'm sorry' or that I'm wrong. You know, possibly because it happens so rarely. So I didn't call or write and when I realised that four years had gone by, it was just a... you're right. Of course, you're right. I mean, she must have every reason to hate me.
John: I didn't say she hates you.
Rodney: Yeah but she should.
John: Well, if you insist.
Rodney: Yeah, I do.

Rodney:Well, to be honest, the science gets extremely complicated but um, simply put - the tear will eventually swallow up the entire galaxy, possibly the universe.
John: So. Very bad.
Rodney: Well I think we can all agree that that would be bad, yes.

3x09 - Phantoms

Teyla: Is that what made all these people kill each other?
Rodney: I hope so.
John: You hope so?
Rodney: Otherwise, there are two bizarre things going on, and one is more than enough for me, thank you very much.

3x13 - Irresponsible

John: Look, at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman.
Rodney: Hmmm. Misunderstood and unappreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero - a superhero.

John: He's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasn't?
Rodney: Why are you looking at me?

John: You wanna hide.
Rodney: Well, we could call it strategic concealment.

The Tao of Rodney

Rodney: One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for. I mean, there's gross mutation, giantism, invisibility.
John: That would be cool. I turned into a bug.

Rodney: And I'm not sure but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure because I was, I was pretty smart to start with but, um, recently I've been having some idea that I don't think even I would have thought of before.
John: Does super-ego count as a power?

John: I don't think this is going to work with you hooked up to the machine.
Rodney: How else am I gonna know if it's working at all? Look, you're teaching me how to meditate. Not exactly good odds there to start with.
John: I realise that. Truth is, I was never really very good at this myself.
Rodney: So why am I here?
John: Elizabeth made me.
Rodney: Oh. Yeah. Me too.

John: Look, I told you I didn't pay much attention to what the Ancients were teaching me. I like ferris wheels so that's what I thought about. And the fact that the woman teaching me how to meditate was... very attractive.
Rodney: Well, I'm not surprised you didn't ascend, huh?

John: There's a dark storm swirling around your head.
Rodney: How is that comforting?
John: I'm getting there.

John: Look, if you have to keep asking, you're obviously not getting it. This is about letting go.
Rodney: I don't know how to do that, okay? I mean it. I don't know how not to be me. Look, thank you for all of your help. I think in the grand scheme of things we're good, aren't we?
John: Of course.
Rodney: Okay, if it's not too much trouble I'd like you to read my eulogy.
John: I refuse to discuss that!

Weir: Rodney, you're a good person. Know that we love you.
Rodney: You love me? Really? All of you?
John: In the way a friend...feels about another friend.
Rodney: You're just saying that cause I'm gonna die.

Rodney: Is Sheppard still bugging you to let him use the ascension device to turn himself into some kind of a superhero?
Weir: Oh, yes.
Rodney: Despite the fact that the Ancient database states that its effects on people are wildly unpredictable and that I'm just lucky I wasn't instantly melted down into a pool of protoplasm.
Weir: Yes.
Rodney: Ah. Well maybe you should let him.

3x15 - The Game

Ronon: Geldar?
John: The name of Rodney’s country. He named it after a girl he stalked in college.
Rodney: I did not stalk her. We dated twice. Teresa Geldar. A very cute blonde. I always used to think her name reminded me of some kind of a mythological land - The Kingdom of Geldar.

3x16 – The Ark

John: I guarantee you you’re gonna see pretty much the same technology that you’re looking at here, which I call vintage 1967.
Rodney: Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, we hollowed out a lot of moons back in the sixties.

Rodney: All right. I’m gonna take a look around, see if I can figure out a way to seal the compartments between us. I figure it would be nice if we were all together as we burn up.
John: McKay.
Rodney: I’m sorry. I mean, as we get rescued. I always get those two confused.

John: How much time do we have?
Rodney: Before we burn up, or before we suffocate?

3x18 – Submersion

John: Can you figure out the code or not?
Rodney: No! Not even if I stood here and tried for a million years. And we have, oh look, just under a million years less than that.