QuotesOften characterised by his dry wit and subtle sarcasm, Lorne has amused us in episodes and books alike.
Stargate SG-1 07x07 - Enemy MineJackson: What's this? Artefacts?
Jackson: You found all this and you, you didn't contact me?
Lorne: We were going to.
Jackson: They've been moved.
Lorne: Well, they were in the way.
Stargate Atlantis 02x03 – RunnerLorne: You know, when they told me I'd be traveling to another galaxy, visiting strange new worlds, defending humanity against unimaginable alien threats, this just is not what I pictured.
Parrish: We could be saving Earth right here, right now, Major.
Lorne: Oh, yeah? How's that?
Parrish: Through a greater understanding of the long-term effects of severe ozone depletion on plant life. You may not want to admit it, but it's a real danger.
Lorne: Oh, yeah. Sure. Global warming, Wraith attack... I see the similarity now.
Sheppard: Teyla, you're with me. Kaufman, take Villick. Reed, you and Sherman cover the Gate, and Major, you've got McKay.
Lorne: Oh, lucky me.
McKay: So exactly what kind of special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission?
Lorne: "You guys"?
McKay: Yeah, you know... "Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines - it's a great place to start."
Lorne: And by 'this mission' you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on Wraith drugs in the pitch
black of an alien planet?
Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in major school.
McKay: I've been keeping a running tally of my lifetime exposure to radiation. X-rays, cellphones, plane rides, that whole unfortunate Genii nuclear reactor thing. My God, last week we flew dangerously close to the corona of a sun. As it is, I may have to forego reproducing.
Lorne: Yeah, that's funny. I was just thinking that might be wise.
Lorne: Wow, you must really be some kind of genius.
McKay: Well, as a matter of fact I - Wait a minute. See, why would you say that now?
Lorne: Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time.
Stargate Atlantis 02x08 - ConversionMcKay: Maybe we should make a diversion.
Lorne: Are you volunteering?
Stargate Atlantis 02x10 - The Lost BoysLorne: Well, you know those guys.
Weir: What do I know about those guys?
Lorne: Just that they tend to get caught up in whatever it is they're doing and sometimes they don't check in. They forget how much you worry... that we worry. Collectively, I mean.
Weir: Alright. Can you give me the last few addresses dialed from that DHD?
Lorne: Maybe somebody can, but that's a little out of my skill set.
Stargate Atlantis 02x17 - Coup D'etatSheppard: Way to be alive.
Lorne: Thanks, sir. So, have you come to rescue us?
Sheppard: Well, until about a moment ago I thought you were dead, but now that I see you speaking and breathing, yeah, I'm thinking about it.
Lorne: Well, good. Let me know if there's anything we can do to help, huh?
Stargate Atlantis 03x01 - No Man's LandLorne: It didn't work on her.
McKay: Oh. Beckett wondered if the females would be immune.
Lorne: Yeah, something you might have mentioned before she almost killed me, Rodney.
Stargate Atlantis 03x15 - The GameLorne: What are you talking about? It's a perfectly reasonable request.
Zelenka: Oh yeah, perfectly reasonable. I give you all of my food and my people starve.
Lorne: I'm not asking you to give me all your food. Plus, I did say we would make a deal.
Zelenka: A deal. Oh yeah. Baskets.
Lorne: Big baskets. Two dozen of them. Hand woven and very nice.
Stargate SG-1 10x13 - The Road Not TakenLorne: So, why are you here?
Carter: I didn't do it on purpose, believe me.
Lorne: What about that machine you brought with you?
Carter: It demolecularises matter and transports it to another dimension.
Lorne: Well, there you go.
Carter: No, no, this is different. Look, according to M-theory, there are a fixed number of alternate dimensions existing in parallel with our known universe. The multiverse theory, on the other hand, posits the existence of an infinite number of alternate universes, each evolving concurrently with our own.
Lorne: Well, is there a universe out there somewhere where you're giving me a straight answer?
Lee: Major Carter was developing a process by which we could extract energy from parallel universes.
Carter: And you knew about this?
Lorne: Uh, knowing and understanding - two totally different things.
Stargate Atlantis 04x04 - DoppelgangerLorne: He's a Replicator! What, you don't believe me? Okay, I'll shoot him, you'll see.
Sheppard: Whoa, whoa, that won't be necessary. I've got my hands up in a very non-threatening way.
Carter: Call for an ARG.
Sheppard: What, you believe him?
Carter: Of course not, but it won't hurt you and it might help him to lower his gun.
Lorne: You're one of them too. Well, don't just stand there! Shoot them! Shoot both of them!
Stargate Atlantis 04x05 – TravelersMcKay: We don't even know who they are, remember?
Ronon: Does it make a difference? Even if it was a fleet of hive ships, would it stop us from trying to get him back?
Stargate Atlantis 04x12 - Spoils of WarTodd: I saw them get stunned.
Lorne: Funny how you managed to get away.
Lorne: She's not talking to us. She's taking control of the Queen's mind.
Lorne: I wouldn't be so sure about that.
Stargate Atlantis 04x13 - QuarantineSheppard: You got any C4?
Lorne: Yeah, a little bit.
Stargate Atlantis 04x18 - The Kindred, Part ILorne: Hmm. Kind of reminds me of the flea markets they used to have back home. Every Sunday, stroll down the Bay area, find pretty much anything you wanted. And a lot of things you didn't.
Stargate Atlantis 04x20 – The Last ManLorne: Doctor McKay. Good to see you.
McKay: General Lorne.
Lorne: Come on in, have a seat. I read your proposal.
McKay: You didn't tell anyone else did you?
Lorne: I'm not quite as stupid as you might think, Doc, but I'm sorry there's just no way I'd ever be able to get this authorised.
McKay: Well then don't. You don't have to tell them what it is. Tell them it's a research project. Tell them whatever the hell you want.
Lorne: Rodney, you're talking about altering the time line here. Changing history, changing everything. Do you really think that either of us has the right to make that call?
Stargate Atlantis 05x01 – Search and RescueLorne: I'm pretty sure my leg is broken.
McKay: I think I'm remarkably fine.
Lorne: Well isn't that wonderful. That brings me great comfort. Thank you.
McKay: I'm sorry. I'm just, um, I'm not good in tight spaces.
Lorne: Look, there's no bad guys around, okay? No bad guys, just a lot of debris. So if you could please sit tight and try not to make the ceiling collapse that would be great.
McKay: Michael's database. There's a large chunk of it, maybe the whole thing too. I mean we've got base schematics, medical research information, list of planets. You know what this means?
Lorne: Yeah. It means we're still stuck here and I still have a broken leg.
Stargate Atlantis 05x13 - InquisitionMyrus: They weren't assaulted, they were arrested.
Lorne: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.