Stargate: Atlantis - Season 3

In which we meet Rodney's sister, as well as his cooler double from an alternate reality and learn that his first name is actually Meredith.

3x01 - No Man's Land

Rodney: They couldn't have. Even if they deduced the location of Earth, they won't be able to get there, unless, they downloaded something else on the Hive-ship plans. Something like spyware. Something like when I stupidly downloaded porn...
Ronon: What?
Rodney: Music! When I downloaded music!

Rodney: I did this. I'm responsible for the destruction of my own planet.
Ronon: If anyone was going to do it, it'd be you.

Rodney: OK, let's say a magic fairy comes down and grants you one wish and we break out. Then what, huh? We're still in a hive, we're still travelling through hyperspace, probably in the massive void between our two galaxies where there aren't even planets, let alone Stargates. What then, huh? We fly home on the wings of imagination, is that what we do, Ronon?

Ronon: You're the one who says there's no way out of this. If we're already dead, I say we take them with us.
Rodney: I suppose I'd rather die as a hero than as a meal.

Rodney: Their operating system is a mess. Good thing I still remember DOS. (looks at Ronon) Trust me, that was hilarious.

3x02 - Misbegotten

Sheppard: How many manoeuvres can you pull off with your manual interface?
Rodney: Well, does, um, standing still count as a manoeuvre?

Rodney: OK, let's just make contact, buy our souvenirs, and get out of here!

3x03 - Irresistible

Sheppard: This is creeping me out.
Rodney: Yeah. Reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman - make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. It was kind of a turn on actually. It’s Julie Newmar in the cat outfit.
Sheppard: Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.
Rodney: Not 'til season three.
Sheppard: Really?
Rodney: Yeah, you didn't know that?

Sheppard: I thought you said you were going to stay away from the nuts.
Rodney: Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself, but Lucius here was concerned for me, so he just came down, Ronon held me against the wall, and Lucius and I had a nice, long talk.

3x04 - Sateda

Ronon: I have a bad feeling.
Rodney: Yeah, I always feel like that. Like something horrible's about to happen.
Teyla: How do you live?
Rodney: I get used to it. Thing is, when someone else also has that feeling, mine gets worse.

Rodney: Have you seen a guy around? He looks like you, but he's got messy hair. I think I lost him somewhere. And... and a... and a pretty girl and a caveman.

Rodney: Excuse me, why am I lying here?
Beckett: You have an arrow, Rodney, in your gluteus maximus.
Rodney: Well, that sounds painful. Gluteus maximus... glooo-tus maaa... ximus... Oh my god, that's my ass, isn't it?!

Sheppard: Can you pick up a signal?
Rodney: Oh, of course. If it sounds like it might be impossible you look at me.

Beckett: You're a terrible shot.
Rodney: Oh, what, and you're Rambo now?

3x05 - Progeny

Sheppard: Exactly how many is many?
Rodney: What exactly does it matter? Many is plenty!

Niam: It is difficult for him to see you as capable of understanding.
Rodney: Yeah, well, how many PhDs does he have?

Niam: Oberoth can be... intractable.
Sheppard: Not exactly the word I was looking for.
Rodney: Un-ancienty?

Niam: I am sorry about this, but I am certain once Oberoth has finished his discussion with you, you'll all be released unharmed.
Rodney: I'm sorry but all your credibility was removed when you locked us up.

Rodney: (to Sheppard who is about to sacrifice himself with the city) No, no, no, no, no! I can't let you do this. Not without a coin toss or something, it doesn't seem right.

Sheppard: What'd they do you you?
Rodney: Torture. In ways too hideous and, um, intimate to recount.
Ronon: Like what?
Rodney: I said too hideous to recount.

Niam: The Ancients put in place measures to prevent us from altering the code ourselves. But you can do it.
Rodney: Me?
Niam: During our probe of your mind, we learned that you are capable of doing this.
Rodney: Oh, that's funny, all I remember is the torture.

Sheppard: How's it coming, Rodney?
Rodney: Slowly.
Sheppard: What's the hold up?
Rodney: What's the hold up? Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do here?
Sheppard: Niam gave you access to the programme code and you're screwing around with it.
Rodney: Oh, that is so... relatively accurate.
Sheppard: Thank you.
Rodney: Even so, we are not dealing with Rock'em Sock'em Robots here, we are dealing with a complex code of over three billion chemical-based sequences. It's like trying to reconfigure the DNA double helix.

Rodney: I figured out a way to create a glitch that, on my command, should momentarily freeze them.
Sheppard: Should?
Rodney: Okay, will. I mean, dead in their tracks. Like hitting the pause button. Temporarily. Until they figure out how to override it.
Ronon: How long?
Rodney: Well, I don't know. That's why I said 'momentarily'.
Sheppard: Days, hours, minutes?
Rodney: Well, it's minutes, but I don't know. That's what I was just saying to him.
Sheppard: Ten, twenty?
Rodney: Look, okay fine, you want a number? Okay, seven. Seven minutes and thirty one seconds. You happy?
Sheppard: No.
Rodney: No.
Sheppard: That's not enough time.
Rodney: You wanted a number.
Sheppard: A bigger number.
Rodney: Yeah, well it may very well be longer.
Sheppard: Or shorter.
Rodney: Well, I don't know! Look, you're missing the point!

Ronon: Not much point in leaving without blowing this place up first.
Weir: How would we do that?
Everyone: (looks at Rodney)
Rodney: Oh, that's me. Right. Surprise, surprise. Why don't I just go on these missions by myself?

Sheppard: So much for seven and a half minutes.
Rodney: It was an arbitrary number!

Rodney: As soon as I trigger the overload there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows.
Sheppard: Practically?
Rodney: Okay, fine, so like a few seconds for it to build up power.
Sheppard: How many seconds?
Rodney: I don't know.
Sheppard: Five? Ten?
Rodney: Again with the arbitrary numbers.

Rodney: There is nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes.

3x06 - The Real World

Rodney: What?
Carson: What?
Rodney: That look. That's the same look I get when I get a brilliant idea.
Sheppard: How would you know how you look?
Rodney: Because it's happened more than once in front of a mirror, okay?

3x07 - Common Ground

Teyla: You must go faster, Rodney.
Rodney: This is pretty much my top gear!

John: Rodney, dial the damn gate. Don't wait for us.
Rodney: As if the bullets whizzing past my head weren't encouragement enough.

Ronon: I say we turn him over and let 'em fight it out.
Rodney: We can't do that.
Ronon: Well, why not.
Rodney: Because. ... Well...can we?

Rodney: Alright people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get it, we get our man, we get out. Stay sharp and stay alive.
Beckett: What are you on about?
Rodney: Oh, I just - things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would, um.

Rodney: Thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye, I just, uh, I, you know, I reacted.
Teyla: What is it?
Rodney: It's, um. A mouse. Really big one though. Ah, more of a rat really, possibly a rabbit.

Wraith: Sheppard gave me back my life, I merely repaid the debt.
Rodney: What debt? Are you kidding? I mean, he looks younger than he did before!

3x08 – McKay and Mrs. Miller

Carter: Welcome back to Earth.
Rodney: Yes, yes. What has my sister done?
Carter: Good to see you too, McKay.
Rodney: Greetings, salutations, pleasantries. What's she done?

Rodney: (to Carter, about his sister) She was on the fast track to some pretty exciting grants, doing some interesting work. I mean, she was no me, of course, but she was at least a you.

Carter: I've been over it. It checks out.
Rodney: Ah well, no offense, Blue Eyes, but um I'd like a little time with it myself.

Rodney: She said it just came to her?
Carter: Yeah, she was playing with her kid and she got a notion.
Rodney: A notion. That is just beautiful. She's gonna love this. Wait, you didn't tell her I've been trying to prove something like this myself, did you?

Rodney: Well, what do you want me to do? She's not going to listen to me.
Carter: You're her brother.
Rodney: Exactly.

Caleb: Well, I sure hope you like tofu chicken.
Rodney: I sure hope he's kidding.

Jeannie: Madison has her first ballet recital next Tuesday.
Rodney: She's four. How good could she possibly be?

Carter: Your name is Meredith McKay?
Rodney: Yes, Meredith Rodney McKay, yes, but I prefer to go by Rodney. Look, can we just stick to the point here?

Carter: We can't do this without you.
Rodney: Let's not go overboard. I mean she'd be an asset but -

Carter: He destroyed a solar system.
Jeannie: Meredith!
Rodney: It was uninhabited.

Rodney: I don't want to scare you, but you need to know the stakes. We are at war.
Jeannie: Did you start it?
Rodney: What? No!

Sheppard: (to Jeannie) John Sheppard.
Rodney: Yeah. She's married and she's my sister.
Sheppard: I'm just saying hi.
Rodney: Yeah, I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before, Kirk.

Jeannie: Excellent work, Radek!
Zelenka: ... Thank you.
Rodney: Yes, we try not to encourage him.

Rod: Now, I presume you go by...
Rodney: Rodney.
Rod: Huh. Rod.
Rodney: I could never get anyone to call me that.
Rod: We drew straws.
Rodney: You lost.
Rod: I won. What, the prospect of saving an entire Universe? No, it's (points at head) no brainer.
Rodney: Oh. Sure.

Rodney: Don't put that all on me.
Jeannie: It is all on you. I had no way of getting in touch with you.
Rodney: I was doing top secret research in another galaxy!

Rodney: Jeannie and I drifted apart. When that happens - I mean it wasn't done maliciously. Do I have regrets? Yes, of course I do but who doesn't? I mean, you know, I'm not very good at saying 'I'm sorry' or that I'm wrong. You know, possibly because it happens so rarely. So I didn't call or write and when I realised that four years had gone by, it was just a... you're right. Of course, you're right. I mean, she must have every reason to hate me.
Sheppard: I didn't say she hates you.
Rodney: Yeah but she should.
Sheppard: Well, if you insist.
Rodney: Yeah, I do.

Rodney:Well, to be honest, the science gets extremely complicated but um, simply put - the tear will eventually swallow up the entire galaxy, possibly the universe.
Sheppard: So. Very bad.
Rodney: Well I think we can all agree that that would be bad, yes.

Zelenka: Dr Weir gave the okay for this?
Rodney: You'd rather the universe was destroyed?

Rodney: But everyone loves you here.
Rod: Yeah, but it's not home. Look, what, my Sheppard is a know-it-all, my Teyla is hard to talk to and my, my Ronon is... well, actually those two are pretty similar. I guess what I'm trying to say is that for all their faults, they're my team. My place is with them. Besides, they're not looking for another McKay around here, they already have one.
Rodney: Yes, just a lesser model, hmm?
Rod: I envy you. You say exactly what's on your mind no matter how it makes you look. I can only imagine the freedom you must have not caring if people like you or not.
Rodney: Well... People don't like me?

Jeannie: How'd it go with Weir?
Rodney: Oh, um, well she wasn't too happy about the whole, uh, killing of the ZPM but um, you know, in the grand scheme of things we did prevent the destruction of the universe so, you know... not fired.

Jeannie: I'd say see you round but, uh.
Rodney: Yes. About that. Which is to say, ah... Look, what I, I wanted to...
Jeannie: Thank you for trying.
Rodney: (hugs her) How are you? You happy? You okay?

Rodney: Am I just not getting the team e-mails anymore?

3x09 - Phantoms

Teyla: Is that what made all these people kill each other?
Rodney: I hope so.
Sheppard: You hope so?
Rodney: Otherwise, there are two bizarre things going on, and one is more than enough for me, thank you very much.

Rodney: Whoever turned it on, dialed it up to eleven, then just left it there.

3x10 - The Return, Part I

Sheppard: You should call her.
Beckett: Who, Cadman?
Weir: You two did make a cute couple.
Beckett: It didn't work out. May have something to do with our first kiss being through Rodney.
Rodney: Oh, I thought we made a solemn vow never to speak of that again!

Rodney: They emit a directional energy beam that disrupts the connection between nanites.
Ronon: Not what I asked.
Rodney: Yes... They work good.

3x12 - Echoes

Beckett: Their eardrums have been perforated.
Weir: How?
Zelenka: The whales are emitting an intense, low frequency pulse...like...like a sonar; as well as an EM field. The combination is very dangerous to humans - particularly in such close proximity.
Rodney: IT'S THE WHALES!
Beckett: Their hearing's been impaired. It should heal soon.
Rodney: IT'S THEIR ECHO LOCATION! IT'S CREATING VERY POWERFUL VIBRATIONS! THE CLOSER WE GOT, THE WORSE IT BECAME!
Zelenka: Yes... YES, RODNEY, WE KNOW.
Rodney: ... OH!

3x13 - Irresponsible

Rodney: I'm here, I'm here. I just had to get my autograph book in case Teyla's superhero turned out to be the real deal.

Sheppard: Look, at least my hero is human. McKay's is Batman.
Rodney: Hmmm. Misunderstood and unappreciated by many, his most formidable weapon was the power of his brilliant mind. Not just a hero - a superhero.

Ronon: He once fought and killed twelve enemy soldiers, gutting them with his bare hands. He was a funny guy too.
Rodney: Yes, I can imagine the jokes and the entrails flying.

Sheppard: He's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasn't?
Rodney: Why are you looking at me?

Beckett: If we act now we risk injuring innocent villagers.
Rodney: And us. We risk injuring us.

Sheppard: You wanna hide.
Rodney: Well, we could call it strategic concealment.

Rodney: (to Koyla) And what about us, huh? How do we fit into your evil plans for galactic domination?

3x14 - The Tao of Rodney

Rodney: (to Zelenka) You know what? No one wants to hear any more stories about how poor you were as a child, alright? We already feel as sorry for you as is humanly possible.

Rodney: You know at least my stories related to what we're doing.
Zelenka: So do mine.
Rodney: We're trekking all over the city shutting down everything the Ancients activated while they were oh so briefly in control, so that we can stop the power from draining from our one precious ZPM. How does that related to your idiot brother burning the house down?
Zelenka: Well, if we don't succeed -
Rodney: We're not going to have to live in a tent in the dead of winter!

Beckett: As far as I can tell he's fine.
Rodney: I was hit by a mysterious energy pulse. How can that possibly be fine?

Rodney: One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for. I mean, there's gross mutation, giantism, invisibility.

Rodney: For your information, I am exactly the same weight I've been since I got here, I need to eat regularly otherwise I become hypoglycemic, and I am generally a very happy person.

Rodney: Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I wasn't even sure it was me at first but, uh, the correlation's impossible to ignore. I saw Lorne's team pinned down, the bad guys closing in. I just thought, uh, you know, wouldn't it be great if all their weapons jammed. At the same time... Look, next thing I know they're all running away, so...

Rodney: And I'm not sure but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure because I was, I was pretty smart to start with but, um, recently I've been having some idea that I don't think even I would have thought of before.

Rodney: Seriously. Me a superhero. Who would have thought it?

Beckett: We have no idea of the extent of your genetic mutation.
Rodney: Please. Mutation has such negative connotations. Advancement is more like it.

Rodney: You know, we could be a team. You could be a sidekick.
Ronon: Sidekick.
Rodney: Yeah, it'd be like Batman and Ronon. It has a nice ring to it.

Rodney: Oh my god, I can read minds. Oh. This is cool!

Rodney: I can read your mind. Uh, everyone's actually. I thought it was very cool for the first like ten seconds there but, eh, now I'm finding it a little disturbing.

Rodney: (to Ronon, about Elizabeth) She wants you to shoot me if you think for even one second that I might be trying to take over the city for my own evil purposes. I'm kidding, that was a joke. Is your weapon set to stun? Wait, never mind, there. I did it myself. Okay, to the chair room!

Zelenka: Rodney, you are affecting power all over the city.
Rodney: I know. Awesome, isn't it?

Rodney: (about Zelenka) He tries to hide it but deep down, I'm the wind beneath his wings.

Rodney: To me, life is about working towards achievement, you know, discovering things...
Weir: Getting credit for it.
Rodney: Exactly. And once you know it all, what do you do then?

Rodney: It's basically an ascend-o-meter.

Sheppard: Look, I told you I didn't pay much attention to what the Ancients were teaching me. I like ferris wheels so that's what I thought about. And the fact that the woman teaching me how to meditate was... very attractive.
Rodney: Well, I'm not surprised you didn't ascend, huh?

Rodney: I don't have the first clue where to start.
Weir: Stop thinking.
Rodney: See, I don't understand that.

Rodney: Radek. I think it's safe to say that, uh, I am at times a petty, vindictive, even jealous man. I supplement my own anxieties or feelings of inadequacy by creating a bubble of hostility around myself. I know that you, probably more than anyone else, have had to bear the brunt of that hostility.
Zelenka: Rodney, you don't have to -
Rodney: Actually, I do. Here's the thing. You're a brilliant scientist and a decent human being and you should not have had to endure the kind of abuse that you've taken from me in the past few years. I hope that you can find a way to forgive me for all the things that I've said and done to you. You deserve much better than that. So I wanted you to know that.

Rodney: I was talking with Halling earlier and he happened to mention that it was the anniversary of the death of your father next week.
Teyla: He did?
Rodney: Okay, I might have asked a few, ah, pointed questions but, um, I just thought it would be nice if, uh... What I mean is... I would be honoured if you let me share the memorial tea ceremony with you. I don't know if it's wrong to do it early or anything but, um, I may not be around next week. Anyway, I understand it's something you're not supposed to do alone.
Teyla: Thank you, Rodney. (reaches for the tea tray)
Rodney: No, no, no, no, no. I know exactly what to do. You are the one who've lost a loved one. I will serve you.

Rodney: Look, I don't know how much time I have left so I'm just gonna cut to the chase here and ask you a rather, ah, personal question. Hopefully you won't just hit me in the face.
Ronon: (raises his eyebrows)

Rodney: Asking away. Those...scars on your back. From your encounter with the Wraith, you know with the tracking device that... Are those like a badge of honour for you or are they just a, a constant reminder of something you'd rather forget? I mean I know it's none of my business, I just, I...
Ronon: I try not to let things I can't change bother me.
Rodney: That's very healthy. (looks around) (hugs Ronon) I hope you don't mind. I just healed them.

Rodney: I just wanted to give you that. (hands her a data stick)
Weir: What have you invented now?
Rodney: Oh, nothing. That's a, that's a book.
Weir: About what?
Rodney: You. Well you've taken a lot of crap as the leader of this expedition and I just thought someone should, uh, leave a record of all the good things you've done. Everything you've done right.

John: Look, if you have to keep asking, you're obviously not getting it. This is about letting go.
Rodney: I don't know how to do that, okay? I mean it. I don't know how not to be me. Look, thank you for all of your help. I think in the grand scheme of things we're good, aren't we?

Rodney: It's okay. I'm actually feeling a sense of peace. Interspersed with moments of sheer terror, of course.

Rodney: Clear blue skies. No more troubles. Just drifting away...

Weir: Rodney, you're a good person. Know that we love you.
Rodney: You love me? Really? All of you?
John: In the way a friend...feels about another friend.
Rodney: You're just saying that cause I'm gonna die.

Rodney: It worked.
Beckett: Did it?
Rodney: Well I'm alive aren't I?

Rodney: Yeah, well, you know what? I don't care if you don't think I was capable of ascension. I never wanted to do it anyway. In fact, you know what? I am very happy with who I am. And you love me.
Weir: What? I never -
Rodney: You so did! Yeah, I may not be able to understand this new math I created but I distinctly remember that you said you love me.
Weir: Actually I said that we love you and -
Rodney: And what? You just said that because you thought I was dying?
Weir: No. I said it because -
Rodney: See! It's true. You've said it. Now I know. I always suspected. In fact, you know what? I've also noticed that there's been a, um, ah, indefinable and yet magical chemistry between us that I think I covered in chapter ten.

Rodney: Is Sheppard still bugging you to let him use the ascension device to turn himself into some kind of a superhero?
Weir: Oh, yes.
Rodney: Despite the fact that the Ancient database states that its effects on people are wildly unpredictable and that I'm just lucky I wasn't instantly melted down into a pool of protoplasm.
Weir: Yes.
Rodney: Ah. Well maybe you should let him.

3x15 - The Game

Ronon: Geldar?
Sheppard: The name of Rodney’s country. He named it after a girl he stalked in college.
Rodney: I did not stalk her. We dated twice. Teresa Geldar. A very cute blonde. I always used to think her name reminded me of some kind of a mythological land - The Kingdom of Geldar.

3x16 – The Ark

Sheppard: I guarantee you you’re gonna see pretty much the same technology that you’re looking at here, which I call vintage 1967.
Rodney: Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, we hollowed out a lot of moons back in the sixties.

Rodney: Okay, time for the 'How Screwed We Are' report.

Beckett: Tell them we'll be there in a jiff.
Sheppard: You guys hear that?
Rodney: Yay, faint hope!

Rodney: All right. I’m gonna take a look around, see if I can figure out a way to seal the compartments between us. I figure it would be nice if we were all together as we burn up.
Sheppard: McKay.
Rodney: I’m sorry. I mean, as we get rescued. I always get those two confused.

Sheppard: How much time do we have?
Rodney: Before we burn up, or before we suffocate?

3x17 – Sunday

Hewston: The second we realized it was emitting radiation we turned it off.
Rodney: So what, you want a medal? My four year old niece could figure out to turn something off if it was emitting radiation. That does not make you smart. That just makes you a little less stupid.

3x18 – Submersion

Rodney: Okay, Davidson.
Dickinson: It's, uh, Dickinson.
Rodney: Yeah, well I was in the ballpark.

Rodney: Oh yes, let's race towards the gunfire.

Rodney: (after shooting the Wraith Queen) She's not dying according to plan here!

Sheppard: Can you figure out the code or not?
Rodney: No! Not even if I stood here and tried for a million years. And we have, oh look, just under a million years less than that.

3x19 – Vengeance

Sheppard: Did anybody get a good look of that thing?
Rodney: Aside from its severed appendage, no. That thing moved incredibly fast.
Ronon: In some ways it looked almost like a human.
Rodney: If by human you mean clad in a grotesquely proportionate exoskeleton, yes, very human.

3x20 - First Strike

Rodney: Look, asking me to do performance evaluations is ridiculous. I am the first person to admit I don't know who these people are, nor do I care to. Look, if you'd like, I can take you down the halls to the labs and just point at the people who annoy me more than the rest, but that's as useful as I get.

Sheppard: Shouldn't you guys be bickering or something?
Rodney: We've got nothing to bicker about. He's run out of bad ideas. Finally.
Zelenka: If we survive this, I'm putting in for a transfer.
Rodney: Oh please, we both know you've done your best work under me.
Zelenka: Under you?! I'm my own department head, you know?
Rodney: Please! We both know that department is a joke.