Stargate: Atlantis - Season 4

In which Jeannie Miller pops up for more fun and frolics, we get a closer look at Rodney's subconscious and all of Atlantis holds its breath when Rodney plans to pop the question.

4x02 - Adrift

Rodney: It's just like the video game Asteroids.
Sheppard: Whatever works for you.
Rodney: I was terrible at Asteroids. I think I actually scored zero once.

4x02 – Lifeline

Sheppard: How's it going, boys?
Rodney: Well, we'd be making a lot more progress if Timmy Torture wasn't trying to kill me every two seconds.

Rodney: Believe it or not, Zelenka was right.

Rodney: I want you to land this city gently, like a leaf kissing the surface of a pond!

4x03 - Reunion

Rodney: Anyway... Look, I just uh, just came by to uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're settling in and uh, you know, if you needed anything and uh, did I mention I was seeing someone?
Carter: I'm sorry, what?
Rodney: I'm uh, seeing someone. Yes I only bring it up now because you're here, now, and we'll be working together a lot more and uh, you know, I just thought with our past...
Carter: Our past?
Rodney: Well, you know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever.
Carter: Rodney -
Rodney: I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh... Kind of like they are now.
Carter: Rodney... I'm sure we'll be fine.

4x04 – Doppleganger

Sheppard: I’m gong to recommend sending a science team back here to check it out.
Rodney: I am a science team!

Rodney: My father read me Moby Dick when I was seven years old. I mean, what was the man thinking? Do you know how long I had nightmares about being eaten by a whale?
Ronon: They haven't stopped, have they?
Rodney: No.

Keller: Have you had any nightmares lately?
Rodney: Not a night goes by. Last night I dreamt that Colonel Carter invited me to her quarters for dinner.
Teyla: Maybe you shouldn’t be telling us this, Rodney.
Keller: Yeah, I said nightmare, not delusional male fantasy.
Rodney: Wait and listen. Turns out she was serving lemon chicken. I mean, lemon, and the only reason she invited me to dinner was to tell me she was promoting Zelenka over me.
Ronon: That’s it?
Rodney: Then I was eaten by a whale. Don’t ask how that happened.

4x05 – Travelers

Rodney: No, there's something you're not telling us... She was hot, wasn't she?
Sheppard: I don't know what you're talking about.
Rodney: Aw, I knew it. That is so typical.
Sheppard: She had me beat, Rodney! She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together.
Rodney: Whatever. All I know is every time I get taken captive, it’s the Wraith. Just once I’d like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien.

4x06 – Tabula Rasa

Sheppard: You showing any signs?
Rodney: Headache.
Sheppard: Yeah, same here.
Rodney: Five bucks says you start losing your memories first.

Rodney: I once forgot mother’s day five years in a row.
Teyla: What’s is the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter?
Rodney: Well, that’s pi. 3.141589265, etc., etc. That doesn’t count, that’s easy.
Teyla: You are a scientist, Rodney. That is what you care about, that is what you will hang on to the longest.
Rodney: Right. Right, so… wait a minute. Doesn’t that make me a really bad person?
Teyla: It makes you the type person who is going to save all our lives.
Rodney: Oh. Okay.

4x08 – The Seer

Rodney: Allow me to make a prediction: this will be a complete waste of time.

4x09 – Miller’s Crossing

Rodney: Let's just for a second imagine that we live in this magical land of unicorns and wizards and kind-hearted people who you can take at their word. Let's assume that he lets us go if we save her. But what if we fail, huh? What if she dies? How happy d'you think he'll be then? You think he'll let us just waltz out the door with an 'Aw shucks. Well, better luck next time, tiger' attitude?

Rodney: We gotta go back.
Jeannie: Go back? Why?
Rodney: Because I got all mixed around. We gotta start again. Maybe what I thought was north was south. It's hard to tell.
Jeannie: I can not believe I am betting my life on your sense of direction.
Rodney: What are you talking about I have an excellence sense of direction.
Jeannie: Oh really? Remember when we went to West Edmonton Mall and Dad had to call the police to find you.
Rodney: That mall is huge.
Jeannie: There are maps every 7 meters.
Rodney: Misleading ones!

Rodney: We're about even when it comes to looks, right?
Sheppard: Who's been lying to you?
Rodney: No, I'm being serious.
Sheppard: I am too. Who's been lying to you?

4x10 – This Mortal Coil

Duplicate Rodney: (about the real Rodney) Oh, this is great. Finally someone who I can have 100% confidence in. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to working with you! And this is just the beginning but humanity is about to benefit from one of the greatest living scientific minds - times two!

4x11 – Be All My Sins Remember’d

Caldwell: Colonel.
Ellis: Colonel.
Caldwell: Colonel.
Carter: Colonels.
Ellis: Colonel.
Sheppard: Colonels.
Rodney: Seriously?

Rodney: It can't die, it's not alive. It's a program. I mean, its consciousness is just a bunch of ones and zeroes. I mean, you can call it 'she' all you want but it's still just a thing, a prop, a really advanced radio-controlled weapon. I mean, you don't feel sorry for your bullets, do you, your bombs?

Rodney: Look, you don't know me. This is when I'm at my best. This is when I shine: impossible deadlines! Did I ever tell you about the time I once got a damaged Ancient hyperdrive system online moments before me and my crew were incinerated by a supervolcano?

Rodney: Ellis is gonna love this. I don't get it. We tried reconfiguring your standdown code. We tried programming the nanites to turn themselves off. Something should've worked.
Todd: They are a very complex and ingenious design.
Rodney: Yeah, well, I thought I was ingeniouser... Yes, I know it's not a word, Mr. Helpful.

Zelenka: I must say, Rodney, this is quite an ingenious idea.
Rodney: Were you expecting anything less?
Zelenka: Well...
Rodney: Well, what?
Zelenka: Well, you have been in a bit of a rut lately.
Rodney: I have not!
Zelenka: OK, well, like a dry spot, maybe.
Rodney: That is not true.
Zelenka: OK...
Rodney: It is not!

Zelenka: I'm all yours. What would you like to try now?
Rodney: Actually, unencumbered by the continual need to explain things to you, I've actually made remarkable progress.

Zelenka: It worked! You did it, Rodney!
Rodney: Naturally.

Rodney: OK, M7R-227, you were a constant pain in the ass. It's good to see you go.

4x12 – Spoils of War

Rodney: What did you do?
Ronon: Nothing.
Rodney: You touched something, didn't you?
Ronon: No... Maybe just a little.
Lorne: What is it?
Ronon: Looks like a map.
Rodney: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Rodney: Don't worry, I've got an excellent sense of direction.
Sheppard: Didn't you say you got lost in a garden maze once?
Rodney: I was ten. Plus, I was running from a bee.

Rodney: Great, in my entire life I was never chosen first. And now fate decides to restore the balance.

4x13 - Quarantine

Rodney: Hey, it doesn't take much for a good situation to turn ugly. One minute you're happily riding your bicycle back from a senior Lagrangian mechanics mid-terms, you know, the warm breeze in your face. Next thing you know, you're flying through the air because you just hit a pothole.
Brown: Oh, Rodney! Did that happen to you?

Brown: You are thinking the worst case scenario.
Rodney: Hello, this is what I do! Someone needs to think ahead to the worst possible outcome to any situation, in order to properly defend against it. Now, you can call me a catastrophist, but it's a necessary burden I bear.
Brown: A mindset like that and a person would live in a constant state of worry and fear.
Rodney: You forgot despair.
Rodney: Over the last year and a half I've become aware that I have certain - I hesitate to use the word flaws - shortcomings. For example, on occasion, I can be negative and demanding and a tad arrogant, but I'm also finding that just being aware of your... shortcomings, is just the first minute step on the road to betterment, and that the real trick seems to be to actually do something about it.

4x16 – Trio

Rodney: Are you talking about Neil deGrasse Tyson? He once stole an idea from me. Did I tell you that story?
Carter: Only about a dozen times, McKay.

Rodney: Maybe you should show 'em your...
Carter: Excuse me?!
Rodney: Hey, I was once a ten year old boy too. I know what gets their attention.
Carter: McKay!
Rodney: What? D'you wanna get out of here or not?
Carter: I think we can reason with them without resorting to that, thank you.
Rodney: If you say so.

Rodney: Okay, well, the grappling hook didn't work because the hook wouldn't hold our weight in the soil. The crates didn't work because Sam was too heavy. Ah, oh... We, we all would have been. I mean, our weight in general. Nothing to do with you. Uh, just, I mean... You're in very good shape. Seriously, you have like the perfect body. (Keller looks at strangely) Oh, not that you don't. Oh, no, no. I realize that your bodies are different and, and, and, ah, ah, maybe, that, that would mean that I think that your body is imperfect. But that is not the case. No, no, no, far, far, far from it. That, that is a uh, sweet... ah. Which is to say, I mean it would be impossible for me to chose which of you...

Keller: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. Don't pull me up!
Rodney: What?! Why?
Keller: I see light!
Rodney: No, no, no, no, no! Don't go toward the light! You want to stay in the land of the living!

4x18 - The Kindred, Part I

Rodney: Hey, I've been cocooned inside an alien space craft, I've had another person living inside me, I've encountered not one but two different versions of myself, so who am I to judge? If you say it was a vision then I believe it was a vision.

4x20 – The Last Man

Sheppard: The city has solar-powered generators, right?
Rodney: Yes, which would come in very handy if we were trying to power a couple of electric golf carts.

Rodney: There's not enough power for you to gate back to Earth, and without a MALP, going anywhere else would be far too risky. It is entirely possible that you are the last human being alive.
Sheppard: You're not doing a very good job of cheering me up here.
Rodney: Oh, consider yourself lucky, young man.

Rodney: The sand has penetrated the lower levels.
Sheppard: 48,000 years into the future, you've still got a knack for stating the obvious. All right, what do we do?
Rodney: I don't know.
Sheppard: What do you mean, you don't know?
Rodney: Well, I wasn't programmed for this variable!
Sheppard: You said you had twenty five years to work on this plan!
Rodney: Well, McKay did, and he brilliantly anticipated a lot of potential problems! It's just that, well, this wasn't one of them.

Rodney: Look, I know you have been debriefed about all the future events, all the things we have to avoid, but there is one more thing I need to know - do I still have hair?